As a follow up to ‘Experience‘ I thought I’d share something I witnessed on the weekend when seeing the person in question, after having the realization I talked about in the previous post. If you’ve not read it, essentially I came to the realization that I ought to let go of the person I’ve been seeing the past year, for various reasons.
So I wrote that post last week, with the intention of seeing him on the weekend. Saturday came round, we’d agreed to meet in the morning but it transpired that I was left waiting an hour for him. Though we laughed it off, this was the nail in the coffin for me, this isn’t going anywhere. That may sound a bit harsh to you, a bit cold, but its the latest in a series of incidences where I can see that he doesn’t truly care. He may enjoy my company, but not enough to make a conscious effort. Especially when I found out it was because he couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed.
Anyway, the point of this post isn’t to bitch about the things that irritated me on Saturday, nor is it to highlight all the moments of job and laughter. There was something far more apparent throughout what was likely to be our final encounter. I no longer found him attractive.
Its weird to write it down, or even to think it but the moment I saw him my heart dropped a little, the desire was no longer there. My eyes no longer saw the guy that had looked down at me at 3am in bed, or the guy that had held my eye contact for our first date. I saw the filter my brain had constructed just fall away and I witnessed the death of my interest.
But I didn’t end things on Saturday, not because I didn’t want to, but because as he had so successful maintained that we weren’t anything throughout the year. There was nothing to end. If he truly feels to have never known me, then he never shall.